June 2008?

I started this thing two years ago, and haven't updated in forever. Guess now's as good a time as any.

Updates.... since last update.... quit Kellogg's, started at Smucker's, probably won't be too much longer before I leave there since all I seem to do is work every single day of my life which takes away from painting and living and just being.

I have a few new paintings, trying to paint from within but my lack of enthusiasm is having a bad effect on it. This new one is coming along, I hope I don't fuck it up too much before I finish with it.

Gonna try to keep this thing more up to date, lots to tell, lots to see....

Mike

Hmm...

I'm not even sure why I have a blog cause I rarely update it, lol..

Been working on my painting of me and Dad and Charlie, I got the faces done pretty much and now I'm back on the background, the trick to background is to make it look so natural that you don't notice it so much. That's pretty tough to do sometimes....

But it's coming along, I have two months left to finish this, and if I can stay on track it should be good enough to at least maybe, maybe make the first cut at the Smithsonian competition.

Got alot on my mind lately, trying to figure it all out... not so easy sometimes.... but nobody said anything would be easy. I'll let ya know how it turns out, lol...

Work tonight, so I guess I better sleep...

Yesterday...

I had a talk with a dear friend, who opened my eyes up to a few things..

The biggest thing I learned out of our conversation was that I have lost focus on the art aspect of my art. I've been so keenly aware of my lack of sales that the only thing I've been concerned with artwise is the money end of it.

Of course, in order to be a self sustaining artist you have to be able to make money at it, but making art should be your primary goal, and if you're a good enough artist, and get your work out there, then you will be able to make a living at it. I think the fact that I'm not liking my day job so much has been as big a contributor to my lack of vision as anything else, so it's time to get refocused.

Today I paint, trying to finish up my Granny painting...

I'll update the site when I'm done...

Hmm...

I wonder, if it's just the artists temperment, that causes him to doubt his works, to think all he does is never good enough, that it's all just so much pigment on canvases... or if it's just me.

Monet used to burn the canvases he wasn't satisfied with, I'm too cheap for that, lol...

Sometimes I get caught up in looking at what I do, and get frustrated that I am not where I want to be with my art yet. I know that the trick is to keep painting, because I learn wih each one, but still... I guess I should be happy that I haven't peaked yet.

I get alot of positive comments on my work, everyone tells me I'm good...

So how come I'm not selling anything? My art show turned out to be one of the most disappointing events in my life. Not the show itself, I was very proud of that, and was grateful that you got to see it in real life, but I sold one piece, only one, and that let me down. Maybe my expectations were too high, or maybe my ego got ahead of my capabilities...

At any rate, I'm considering abandoning the gallery idea, it's not been working out for me so well. I'm spending 90 dollars a month for gallery space, and not selling, hell I can let it sit here at home and not sell it for free, lol...

I don't know... maybe I'm just in a down cycle in my biorythym ....

Guess I'll paint...

Paint...

I should be working in the yard today before my neighbor calls the yard police on me again. You see I have an ancient yard, that was abandoned for a few years along with the house that sits there on it, and I have yet to reclaim it all completely from it's time of disuse. The goats helped alot, and I refenced last year so that I could get in there and get it all mowed and picked up, but it's hard to find the time for everything, and I have been lax in my duties.

Think I'll paint for a bit and see if the rains come to justify my procrastination. I'm doing a painting of Beale Street, which I normally don't do buildings but I'm making an exception this time....

Yeah, think I'll paint...

Day One

So much has passed, so much is ahead...

Where to begin...

Maybe I'll just start right here in the middle and work my way in both directions.

I'm at a cross roads of sorts, not so much one where I need to make a choice, but a cross roads nonetheless... The last time I was here I had to choose, between life and death, redemption and damnation.. This time is different.....

Today I just wait, to see...

I had my first art opening last week, at a rather small gallery in Memphis, and now I wait to see what sells, if anything. I am told I'm good, I am told I'm better than most, but what that means in the world of art is just a matter of taste.

I work full time as a maintenance mechanic, I fix packaging machinery mostly, that's what I do, that's what I was trained for, and it's what I'm good at. I was a supervisor once, in a past life, and I have applied to be that supervisor again... and today I just wait, to see....

I wait to see if I get the job, I wait to see if the right people recognize my work as an artist... I wait to see if the circles and spheres of my life come back around to me...

Each day I wake up and I decide to paint or not. Each day I wake up the paint decides for me.

Each day I see the brushstrokes and tints of my pallet in the world around me.

Each day I wake up I am still dreaming of that day...

Yet today I just wait...

To see...